It’s a truth universally acknowledged that girls are idiots.

Well, I am, at least. Props to you if you’re some freaky, non-idiot girl, well done. But if my chats with my friends are any indication, a lot of us are on the same “idiot girl” band wagon.

Allow me to elaborate. Sparkly Eye Boy and I have now been on three dates. The first date I’ve already told you about, so let me tell you about date number two and why it made me decide that I’m an idiot.

Date number two was on Tuesday night. He didn’t have a venue in mind and, being the most indecisive girl in the world, I did not enjoy trying to pick. I was massively sleep deprived and it honestly put me in a bit of a flap. I suggested the closest bar to the station, too loud. Then we the bar across the road to have a drink, where may I just add, the fact that they didn’t have a wine list for me to look at and choose from almost reduced me to tears because I DON’T COPE WELL WITH DECISION MAKING! …so I had vodka. But anyway! We stayed there for one drink and I was sort of thinking in my head “Mmmm, I don’t know, reserving judgement on you.” Mainly because the kissie / “I miss you” / “this many sleeps till I get to see you” messages from him had reached a point where I had had to tell him to ease up, lest I get scared off and run far, far away.

We left the bar and walked to the pub where our last date had been. It really is the venue that can do no wrong, it’s where this blog was conceived and that night marked my third date there, but anyway… On the walk down the road he stopped and asked for a kiss, so we had a few little smooches. Nice and sweet, nothing passionate and, for me, no fireworks going off, just nice. May I also add that this was my first kiss since LAST JUNE. That’s right. ELEVEN MONTHS between kisses! And other things, obviously, because if you know I haven’t been scoring kisses then I sure as hell haven’t been scoring anything else either!

Nice dinner, nice chats, more little smooches when we said goodbye and he said “I shouldn’t kiss you”. When I asked why he said “Just shouldn’t”.

Now, here comes the idiot girl thing… When I got home he sent me a message that said “And the reason I didn’t want to kiss you… Cause I would like you more x”, and I read that message and cried. CRIED! Why? a) Because I’d had 10 hours sleep in the previous 48 hours and was already teetering on the edge. b) Because I’m a stupid cry baby at the best of times. c) Because I was FRUSTRATED that I didn’t feel crazy about him like I felt crazy about the stupid boy who broke my heart TWO YEARS AGO (note to self: move the fuck on), and d) Because I’m terrified that he is so into me and I am shitting myself that I could smash his little heart to smithereens.

HERE IS THE IDIOT GIRL THING – If he wasn’t so into me, I would probably be head over heels for him! If I wasn’t so sure of his feelings and the fact that he’s not interested in any other girls, I would be falling over myself because I’d be so keen on him. But because he IS into me and he constantly says lovely, sweet thing to me and isn’t pursuing any other girls except me, I AM LESS INTERESTED. I know I am! Everything he does is EXACTLY what you would want a guy you really liked to do. BUT I WOULD NEVER REALLY LIKE A GUY WHO TREATED ME SO WELL, BECAUSE I. AM. AN. IDIOT.

Seriously! I was thinking about it! My heartbreaker boy and the last boy I had a crush on, they were both jerks to me! Left me hanging, were so hit-and-miss with giving me attention that I spent every waking moment thinking about them and hoping that they would throw me a freaking bone in the form of a text message. And do you know what? If either of those boys had of been as nice to me as Sparkly Eye Boy is, I probably would have totally lost interest in them.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.

So I had this massive, like, “ARGH!” moment when I got home on Tuesday night because really, it’s a fine line between hanging out with someone who you’re interested in to see what develops, and stringing someone along who you don’t see a future with just because you like the attention. I am interested in him, I do enjoy his company, I do think he’s cute (in an older guy way?) and I do like spending time with him, so I sent him a very honest message that said I needed him to slow things down mentally / emotionally otherwise I get too scared that one of us will end up brokenhearted, so I feel like at least I’m being honest.

Since then I feel more comfortable because I know he’s trying really hard not to say anything too full on, and I really appreciate that. So I’m happy to just keep dating him and smooching him and maybe more stuff like that too, but at this point just want to keep it relaxed and low key.

At this point, the fact that he smokes (smart enough to never do it around me though) means that I’d never agree to be in a relationship anyway. We spoke a little bit about it last night (on our third date) and I basically said, “You do whatever you want, I’ll never be in a relationship with someone who smokes but that’s me and my business and has nothing to do with you, it’s not an ultimatum that’s just the way it is.” I’m not someone who would nag a guy about something. Put up or shut up. If you don’t like it that much, don’t be with them. Simple.

Ok, that’s probably enough venting for today. I’ll post a more detailed post about last nights date with him another time because really there were some disastrous moments in there and I’m sure you’ll appreciate them.

Much love,
Kate xx

Date number eight for Kate

Sorry, I’m in a rhyming mood.

Date number eight was Monday night. Barely a date, 30 minutes spent drinking a coffee and having a little chat then went our separate ways.

I think that, subconsciously or otherwise, I’m trying to cram in dates because I think Sparkly Eye Boy has steady dating potential, but I’ll get to him in a minute, back to date number eight…

This was another guy from Oasis, he works in the industry I did my degree in (before I had a change of heart and went back to uni for a second piece of paper) so we actually have a mutual acquaintance. He won massive brownie points for being highly intelligent and an awesome writer / photographer. Yup, those are the things that impress me, folks. He was also very funny in a very sarcastic way, which is a brand of humour I’ve always particularly appreciated.

I was running late and he had a dinner afterwards so after meeting in a bookshop cafe which was lovely but admittedly, deadly quiet, he suggested we move to somewhere more “vibey”, so we wandered down to a cafe on the main drag and people watched.

It was as nice as a half hour coffee date can be I suppose, we mainly chatted about work and why I don’t work in his industry. Nice but no spark. We said our goodbyes and I haven’t heard from him since, probably won’t either and do you know what? That’s fine.

This blog has made me very relaxed about dating. I just turn up, meet a new person, have a chat / coffee / meal and say goodbye. There are worse ways to spend your time.

Now, Sparkly Eye Boy, I might start a new post for him…

Kate xx

A message for Sal

Kate wants Sal to know that she was so inspired by Step Two that she went to Kmart this afternoon and bought three sets of gym clothes. And that she’s going to print Step Two out and stick it up in her bedroom, on top of her fireman calendar because, let’s face it, most of those firies ain’t cute. And that she loves her millions.

Kate xx

Good news internet! I’ve figured out what step two is.

I wrote about step two last month when I’d admitted that I was an idiot (step one) but couldn’t find a listing for Stupidity Anonymous in the Yellow Pages to take me the rest of the way towards recovery.

So this is what I’ve worked out. Step two is one of two things. You can choose to either ‘override’ or ‘boost’. Yesterday I chose to ‘override’ yesterday. ‘Override’ is chosing to be Captain Jack Sparrow over Captain Feathersword. Both pirates are captivating and attractive in their own unique ways, but Jack clearly chose the more destructive path to being awesome.

Yesterday I woke up with a hangover and ate banana bread soaked in butter with a coffee for breakfast followed by a sandwich for lunch and 7 frankferts, 1 cupcake, too many chips and a couple of glasses of champagne for afternoon tea. For dinner I had some cider, some fried seafood and stole some chips from Kate’s plate on top. The total sum of my exercise for the day was lifting the glass from the table to my mouth.

Today I’ve changed my mind to take the ‘boost’ path to recovery. Boost is trying to do everything possible to fix your mental health from ‘a lack of self-confidence so distinct that you’ll drive across the country just to see a boy you like’ to ‘constantly entertained and doing everything possible to be happy’. Here’s the plan;

- Healthy eating: two pieces of fruit a day, no take-out, no alcohol, lots of water, no coffee, breakfast every morning, nuts and berries rather than chocolate and lollies.
- Lots of exercise: I own three pairs of gym pants which limits my gym going to twice a week. This morning I’m heading to Rebel Sport to buy two more and every morning I’m going to go the gym before work.
- Practice my guitar: I just started guitar lessons so I’m going to practice – even when my roommate is home (I usually avoid that because I’m embarrassed that I’m not good yet).
- Time with friends: I am going to make sure I spend as much time as possible with my friends who make me feel wonderful.

Step two is working on you.

This is what crazy sounds like via text message

Because the video Kate refers to in her post is probably the funniest thing I’ve ever seen I’ve embedded it here for you!

What not to do with boys…

I just read Sal’s post about breaking our blog rules (and laughed and laughed, because she is hilarious and WAY too hard on herself) but it got me thinking about “The Rules” rules, y’know, as in the playing-hard-to-get variety of rules, and then I stumbled upon this gem via The Laundry List.

This is the OPPOSITE of The Rules. This is the least Rulesy behaviour known to mankind! As one commenter mentioned, this is batshit crazy! It’s a Soundcloud clip from a Kiwi radio station. Do yourself a favour and listen. It’s 8 minutes worth of excruciating, stalky girl, gold.

This is what crazy looks like via text message.

And I thought Crazy Oasis Guy was scary! He ain’t got nothin’ on this chick!

Kate xx

Kate thinks she’s broken the rules

Kate’s is to breaking the rules, what spumante is to champagne – an insult. There is no way in which Kate’s pledge to give you all the details with no detail spared and then forgetting to post can compare to the ways in which I’ve taken the concept of Twelve Dates out the back and shot them. She can’t compare with the way I’ve picked up the bullet holed pieces of Twelve Dates and then chucked them back on the ground. The way in which I then squished those pieces underneath my shoe like a smoker putting out a butt. The way in which I then turned around, unzipped my pants and shat on their remains and then grabbed a shovel and buried the mess that’s left underground. What? Too far? You think I’m inappropriate? Hold this bottle of vodka while I email my boss with the subject line “show us your tits!”

At the start of this journey Kate and I sat down and wrote some rules. To quickly recap, here’s what they were;

1. Twelve dates in twelve months with twelve different men
2. No repeat dates
3. Don’t tell the boy about the blog
4. Don’t laugh at our inadequacy when it comes to dating
5. Don’t be negative or whingy
6. Don’t call him by his real name
7. Make any possible occasion into a date – yes even a gym class
8. Review the location of each date
9. If you boyfriend them – you still have to write about them
10. Go crazy with the comments but keep it clean.

Here’s where I went wrong;

1. Three dates only – we’re up to month five, I’m seriously behind
2. Tonight I plan to date boy number three for the hundredth time
3. I told the boy about the blog
4. I laughed at myself (and then I cried, and then I went and bought some box wine and drank it)
5. I whinge. Constantly.
6. I’ll give myself credit for never calling him by his real name – could be an issue that I’m unpracticed at saying his name when during a moment of passion I scream “Oh wow! Beautiful Talented Man!”, but we’re not there yet so I yet to experience that embarrassment.
7. I’ve actively turned down dates because I’m stuck on date three
8. I haven’t reviewed more than one date location for you
9. Nine’s not an issue yet
10. Clean? Shit, bitch, whore, fuck.

Sal x

P.S. my subconscious says to tell you I need to stop being so dramatic.

In a nutshell…

Forgive me, Blog, for I have sinned. It has been three dates and one uncompleted story since my last post.

Yes. That’s right. Three dates in the last seven days. I’m now good for dates until August!

I am currently lying in bed desperate for sleep so please forgive me for the in-a-nutshell nature of this post. There just hasn’t been time for anything more substantial. I promise when there is I’ll fill in the gaps…

Kate xx

RED CAR BOY
Somehow my number got passed around the workshop (he is a mechanic) and for the best part of a week I was messaging someone claiming to be the young and cute “Red Car Boy” until Facebook stalking revealed him to be an old and bald Asian dude who WORKS with Red Car Boy. True story. I’ll fill you in one day.

DATE NUMBER FIVE – Aka the Ocker Guy
Dinner at my fave Japanese restaurant. Only an hour. Way hotter in real life. FIT with a HOT body. Lovely guy. But. No spark. Chemistry’s a funny thing, right? :/ He msg’d for another date but I told him I didn’t think the chemistry was right to be more then friends and he thanked me for my honesty.

DATE NUMBER SIX – Aka Skout’s Last Hurrah
This guy asked for my number when I was deleting the Skout app. He was, by far and away the best boy for me on paper. Cute, nerdy, funny, indie, smart… But… I walked straight past him in the cafe (= he looks MUCH younger and less cute than his photo in real life) and he was nice and funny but very “young” in terms of personality too.

DATE NUMBER SEVEN – Aka Sparkly Eye Boy.
Tonight. Dinner at my local pub. About two and a half hours which is around an hour and a half longer than any other date I’ve been on. I already had a massive crush on this boy based on the cute and kissie text messages that he sends me… Constantly! He isn’t super attractive and is a little rough around the edges but I am kinda intrigued by him and would’ve liked a little smooch on the cheek as a goodbye… Alas, kisses remain confined to text messages. Stay tuned.

More info next time, I promise xo

K x

Oh brother!

[Scene: my date and I walk into a cafe and are reading the menu, deciding what to eat for lunch].

Waitress: Oh, how cute, are you twins?

My date: No, no.

Waitress: How many years apart are you then?

Me: Oh no, he’s not my brother, I just have one sister.

My date: And I only have brothers.

[aside: we both might be over compensating here by over sharing about family structures – but we were both in damage control mode.]

Waitress: Get out. You are totally brother and sister. [taps man behind her on the shoulder]. Don’t you think they look like brother and sister?

Man: Awkward grunt.

[Me and my date awkwardly contemplating the menu]

Waitress: Look at your eyes. You both have green eyes. Are you sure you’re not brother and sister?

Me: Pretty sure, yeah.

Sal x

What happened next

Ok. So where did I leave off? Oh. Yes. That’s right. My phone number being left on a random guy’s windscreen by my friend (I use the term loosely!) and former manager, “S”.

Lucky I was in the car with Sal because I was pretty close to having a full blown melt down. In the end she was yelling “TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED!” because all I could manage was spluttering out the beginnings of sentences and through a string of profanities. It probably went along the lines of; “Oh my… *expletive* I think… OH GOD… Surely not… So “S”, wait, no… *expletive* Wait, she couldn’t ha… Oh my GOD… *expletive* I  am mortified.. I am… *expletive*Oh god I am going to die…” (you get the picture).

As luck would have it, Sal knows “S” too. Sal and I met while working in a retail gig when we were both still kicking around at school and uni and then both ended up working  in a different retail gig where we met “S”. I called “S” as soon as I had managed to give Sal some sort of idea of what had just happened and she answered the phone with a sheepish “Hiiiii…”.

“What. Have. You. Done.” (That was me.)

She just laughed and said “I told you I was going to do it!”. No, NO YOU DID NOT! And even if I had of thought she had said she was going to do that (which I didn’t), then CLEARLY, I would have thought she was joking because WHO DOES THAT?!

“S” does, that’s who. “S” leaves MY number on someone else’s car… Wait, what what else did she leave…

K: “What did you write?”

S: “Hold on, I wrote it down for you…”

She then proceeds to read it out and I rock in the foetal position for the like, oh, I don’t know, million years that it takes her to read it because it’s an ESSAY.

K: “You need to send that to me in a text message so that I can read it to Sal and she can see how crazy you are before I ask her to drive me to the Gap* so I can jump.”

Are you ready for this? I hope when you read it your cheeks burn with shame like mine did when she read it out to me…

Hi, good morning. My girlfriend Kate spotted you while visiting me last night and commented the guy in the red car is really cute… I know this is crazy and random, I told Kate I am leaving you this note. She laughed, half believing me. So if you are single and the age of 25 and interested in a dark haired, blue eyed, small framed girl who’s an amazing girl and would like a date / coffee, text her as “Red Car Boy”… You never know.

Are you dying? I WAS DYING! And then I was in the awkward situation of trying to decide what, if anything, to write back to this guy, bearing in mind that I had no idea what he looked like and didn’t know anything about him! In the end I decided, it’s not HIS fault that I have a crazy friend so I just wrote back “Ohhhhhh my god… My friend is insane… I’m just going to go and die of embarrassment now, apologies for the stalky note!”

He replied: “Soo where did you and your friend follow me from…?”, to which I assured him; “Ha, I didn’t follow you (that would be creepy), you were behind me, I guess you live on the same street as her. Anyway, she’s crazy, sorry again!”

I didn’t respond to his next message asking about where and what time he was behind me because I thought, what’s the point? It doesn’t really matter anyway, I’m mortified and this isn’t going any further.

…except then it did.

I’m sorry to be a tease but I *have* to go to bed. I promise you’ll have the third and final chapter of the “Red Car Boy” story before the end of the week. I also need to update you on my potential dates! I’ve got one booked in for this Thursday night (come on down, date number five!) with the “ocker” guy that I’ve mentioned previously. Sparkly eye guy from the same post has also been calling and messaging and I’m kinda into the idea of him… I was also able to stalk his facebook and found that he takes *amazing* photos, which kinda sorta makes me a bit swoony…

Quite a few other guys are messaging me too and I’m starting to realise that all those years I was asking “Where are all the single men?” the answer was, “Online!”

Much love,
Kate xx

*The Gap is a well known suicide spot in Sydney. Probably shouldn’t joke about it (apologies) but I really did want to curl up and die. Embarrassment will do that to a girl…